I first prepared this full dinner for my father when he visited and game me a number of electronic devices in order to aid me in my subversive ways. It was only fair.
Get out your checkbook and head down to the meat market for this fine meat:
Pork (Chops, steaks, or tenderloin.)
If there is any on sale, buy it. Pork is pork. It freezes for as long as you reasonably need it to, and bone-in is always both cheaper and a better deal.
Per each pound of slaughtered pig, pull together from any kitchen that is either yours or in the apartment of some fellow who does not lock his door quite often enough such delicious spices, herbs and meats such as:
(These proportions of ingredients are most suitable for a tenderloin; make a little bit more for chops or steaks, as there is more surface area to be covered. Use your experience with such herbs to alter the amounts so as to pander to your or your audience's personal tastes. If you lack said experience, die. Just die.)
Combine all the dry ingredients in a small bowl. Crush or mince the garlic and add it to the mixture. Throw in a little more garlic. You can not add too much. Continue to mix the marinade until consistent. The garlic will clump; break it up as much as possible using whatever means necessary. Sniff your creation; it should make your salivary glands ache.
Rub the marinade onto each piece of pork and place into an airtight container. Stacking is fine. Use your hands, you pussy. And don't get it all over the counter, for christ's sake. Seal the container and place it in your Frigidaire.
Wait at least twenty hours. The longer you let the pork marinate, the more delicious it will become. You should probably draw the line at three days. You do not want your pork to go bad, unless I do not like you, which is most likely the case.
Broil, grill, smoke, or pan-fry your pork. Do not wipe off the marinade. Do not attempt to pan-fry a tenderloin; it will not cook through. Do not overcook your pork. Pork is best tender and very slightly pink in the middle. Smoking will yield the best results, followed by grilling, followed by pan-frying or broiling.
If you are the least bit civilized, you will be making a complete meal with this pork. I might suggest a salad with these lettuces:
Add a variety of this supporting cast:
As you will need a delicious dressing for this salad, you will mix a balsamic vinaigrette using these superb items:
Using your whisk, mix all but the olive oil thoroughly. (Failure to omit the olive oil in this step will result in a complete and irreconcilable disaster. You will have wasted fine ingredients, for which the only suitable punishment is a slow and painful death involving unsavory animals which have been starved for a disturbingly cruel period of time.) Add the olive oil and continue to whisk until the oil is thoroughly mixed. This can be achieved in a nearly permanent manner by whipping.
Add a tablespoon or more to each bowl of salad. Do not skimp, but do not drown your salad. That is disgusting and only done by unsavory types such as that save the non-lowfat ranch dressing for 'special occasions,' which invariably involve their intolerable friends and in-laws which should have been removed from the gene pool shortly after conception.
The salad and pork make a good lunch or light dinner. Add potatoes prepared in the style of the Greeks if a heavier meal is desired. Serve with Retsina despite the unmistakably French undertones of the marinade.
Any leftover pork may be kept chilled on a foil-covered platter. It is good cold or reheated by itself, on pasta, with a salad, or in a sandwich. Creativity is encouraged.
All content © Ebenezer McSurly 2005.